One week until Baby - Photoshoot at La Jolla Tide Pools

I am in my last days of being pregnant. I am due in less than one week. Things are going quite well. California allowed me to begin my maternity leave 4 weeks ahead of my due date, and I took advantage of the benefits offered to me through the taxes I have paid from the past 20 years of working and contributing to SDI benefits in California. It came with a bit of guilt, because after the initial week of rest, I felt like I had more mobility and bandwidth than ever before. I could have continued to work.  I am getting over that because I am learning just how much has to be done for the baby. I have been sterilizing bottles, doing loads of laundry full of zip up onesies and bucket hats, and finishing up décor for the nursery. There actually isn’t enough time. I am not getting to everything I wanted to do. Every day full of ambition is interrupted by the overwhelming need to nap.

The space has been good for my mental health. I am looking at my body now, critically for the first time since the beginning of my pregnancy. Its been a transformation. I was so focused on work before, fighting through the exhaustion and brain fog that the baby bestowed on me as it drained my mental and physical energy to grow both another organ and another body. I didn’t take a beat to really look at myself. My body has shape shifted. This is one of the reasons I love photos. It is truly humbling to know just how clueless I was at any given moment. Usually it was a beautiful time, and I rarely appreciated that at the time. I am hoping these photos will help me look back at my pregnancy as a beautiful time.

For now all I feel is large and slow, and I have some of the baggage that comes with having a body in modern America. Will I ever be able to lead 5.10 ever again? How long will it be until I can fit into my designer clothing again? Should I just buy them now in a bigger size? Things feel like they will never go back to the way it was before. Its crazy to remember a time before I had to sit quite far from the dinner table to eat because there is a big belly in the way, or when walking around my neighborhood was such a challenge that I couldn’t walk the dog at the same time. Its hard to not just want it to be over. I am looking forward to surfing season, ready to flaunt my battle scars on the board.  All this makes it hard not to appreciate the now. I am hoping the photos will help with that. This is something I will have to reflect on in retrospect.

I am appreciative of this time lastly because of how much mental energy I am placing on ensuring that I am ready for the baby. I feel excited. I check myself every day on whether or not I was rested enough if I were to start labor today. I have never done this before, and I am assuming that it will take all the mental fortitude I have. I am planning for an unmedicated natural birth, and I have no illusions that I am some kind of super hero who is more tough than most women who plan pain mitigation strategies. I am just hoping I am AS tough as the hundreds of million of women that have had children before epidurals were a thing in history. I am excited for this to be a trial by fire.

Special thanks to my dear friend Heather for the Gorgeous photos taken at La Jolla Tidepools. Please check out her work at HeatherMcalpine.com