The question hung heavy in the air. With that rational in mind, why do I try so hard to become an engineer? Its been a completely uphill battle. My chemical engineering degree is a shrine to 4.5 years of tears, self doubt, and sleepless nights. I couldn't find a job as a junior engineer, and I have been a technician for almost a full year. I constantly have to prove myself to inch my way into an engineering role. Maybe being a technician is enough. If learn to be happy with what I have, I wouldn't have to fight the technician vs engineer class battle. Really, I am truly fortunate to have a job at all, especially one with such amazing caring people at a company with a great reputation and benefits.
But I want to be an engineer. I want to be paid to think as well as do. I want to learn something everyday until that accumulates into a lifetime of knowledge that no one can take away from me. I want to be invaluable. Not to mention that I actually love it. I love endless calculations. I can lose myself to math and physics. I can start in the early morning and lose track of time until I am late for work. I think that is love. Losing track of time is love. It makes me forget that I may die someday. I think that is how the ancients define love as well. Why indeed.