That photo was from last thanksgiving turkey trot. Not a
great performance on my part. Ever see a bad photo of yourself and think, "Geez, I know how she feels".
I went on a painful 3 miler in the afternoon heat today.
This is the first run I had this week. I’ve only run 3 miles in the past two
weeks even. Everytime I tried to get out I felt nauseous. I started eating
wrong. I’m having a hard time waking up early.
Two weeks isn’t a ton of time off, right? Two weeks was the
amount of time it took me to recover from a particularly bad flu. I can’t
believe that I’m at risk for calling off my June Marathon.
I am just not a runner am I? I shuffle around the
neighborhood every once in a while then I go to work with my head in the clouds
gloating like I am an Olympic athlete. I seriously struggle to break even 10
minutes per mile but I am always shopping for running gear. I am just a running
poser aren’t I?
Albiet used, my expensive Garmin seems to agree. Garmin says
that I almost had a fast jog near the end there during my outing today.
Okay. Garmin can call it whatever it wants, but I went for a
run and hence I am a runner. I am a runner because I decide who I am. I get to
do that because no one else in the world is as invested as I am in me.
These are all the head games I play after my running break.
These days off are killing me. It makes me doubt the reason I embarked on this
journey and all of the resulting decisions I have made. Maybe I can’t do
anything I set my mind too and maybe this foolish exertion has caused me to
make some of the worst decisions of my life. Like cutting off my hair. Like
deciding to give another go at the Engineering State Board. Maybe life will be
easier if I just stop pushing it.
Yeah, days off are brutal. It throws everything I was trying
to keep at bay with running in my face. I have to face weight gain, muscle
atrophy, dehydration, poor nutrition like I have never considered those things
before.
Rant complete. In summary I had a bad run and it made me
feel like crap.
Do you play these headgames with yourself?